In need and desire
Maria Sundblom-Lindberg is a family therapist, priest and columnist and has recently seen The Marriage Thing at Lillan.
That marriage thing… Maybe you could put an age limit on it?
I don’t mean the performance, but the wedding, the union. Because it’s not a decision to make at an age when you really believe that you are the sum of yourself. Before 30, you really believe that everything is possible. That love conquers most things and that marriage should make you happy, without you doing anything yourself.
Before 30, you rarely see the pattern either. About how the family follows the course of the family. That the conflict clans seem to have the need for trouble in their DNA, while the façade families are particularly talented at sweeping the under the carpet. You don’t have any need to draw family trees to understand that dominant dads often have insecure kids and that abusive mothers often have limitless children and all too rarely do you want to draw yourself at the far end of the branch because you think you are the tribe.
Not of course you but me and a few others had a period of hubris between 25 and 30 and got married on completely the wrong grounds. I wanted to be safe. Drop anchor, moor, take port. If I had even been interested in background and base, I would have seen that I was the third engagement in three years and that reliability and endurance were not his pasta sauce. If I had even focused on my own recent history, I would have realized that I was completely ignorant and inexperienced when it came to security and therefore also completely incompetent and unable to make an assessment of whether someone was a rock or not. We were married for 12 years and it was intense and unstable and my biggest mistake ever.
During the performance, I find it difficult not to interfere. Several times, the therapeutic reflex will want to stop the tsunami of unreflected past that spills over the stage, which not only shatters props and roles, but also drowns out change and the future. I want to get up in the summer villa and hand out towels and snorkels to everyone who is freezing and panting. I wanted to kick the soufflé and give the guys completely different lines. Completely different words than what they had used before that would make them so safe that they would dare to love and hope again.
Maria Sundblom-Lindberg