The union of crying and laughter
“The success and failure of a marriage are much more mundane matters than the grandiose declarations that are uttered on the altar at the beginning of marriage or read as a verdict when a divorce is finalized.
Over the years, you may notice that you no longer see the good in your partner that you once fell in love with. Everyday things – socks on the floor, untaken garbage, game nights with boys or eternal yoga retreats – start to irritate me. And where did sex go? Suddenly, you have become so estranged from your partner that touching the other person no longer feels natural. Nice words and flirtation sneak into the company’s Christmas party or on a Swedish ship to caress the ears of strangers. It’s easy to show a guest all the good and superficial things about yourself. At home, you would have to look in the mirror, maybe change and face yourself.
When a relationship ends, we often say that we grew apart. How does it happen? Gradually stop listening, respecting, encouraging, being interested and thanking. Five hard gatherings turn into defensiveness, silence and contempt.
All of this happens within the relationship, but when the breakup comes, there is a new purgatory, mutual friends. The group dynamics change in one fell swoop: everyone has their own opinion of right and wrong, sides are chosen and switched, and some of the fellow travellers just disappear from their side.
So how do you make drama and comedy out of all this? Easily.
I’ve always been interested in the incredible ability of humans to bend into any kind of curve in order to be happy and loved. As someone who has experienced divorce and gone through therapy myself, I notice that this play provides a great opportunity for the union of crying and laughter. And that’s exactly what interests me in comedy. When I read the text, I recognize myself, a couple of my friends and a whole bunch of acquaintances.
At least for me, the main feeling of divorce was failure. However, from such a distance, the divorce was the only right option. In the midst of the chaos of divorce, I wish I could get merciful eyes to look at me. I wish I had the ability to ponder whether this is love, worth it. What if life is just a series of encounters, where all encounters are necessary for me to become me? Sometimes you could just keep going, thinking that every experience is a gift.”
Text Sari Siikander